Death From Epicness
by shmoobunny182
Summary: Harry Potter like you've never seen him before! Read and see as Harry embarks on a long journey into the 'wilderness'


Potter. Harry, Potter. A mysterious 11, year old boy. He was a typical countryside milk made...Oh, did I say milk made? I meant... I meant, School boy...ya, that's right. School boy. On this particular day and time, Harry Potter had just arrived home from school. Now I feel at liberty to tell you that, Harry... he's... a bit of an odd ball. Sometimes his brain would just shut off but he would continue doing things without stopping. Like when crossing the street for instance. Often when crossing, Harry would just start walking into the street not bothering to look both ways first. That usually ended up with a few car crashes here and there, couple deaths, some minor yet major injuries, nothing big. So when he got home, said boy went up the long treacherous journey up the stairs.

When the mediocre sized boy made it up to the top of the steps, he felt very, very accomplished. But since his house's temperature was for some reason set over 9000º!! So, being the temperature that it was, Harry got very hot and sweaty. Sweat was coming out of his face, his feet, and his eyes. Yes I said it. His eyes. Those glasses did nothing!! In fact, they did less damage when they were broken. Stupid Hermione... With these thoughts in mind, Harry inwardly sighed. 'Oh bugger... what does one do when one gets all covered in fluids that comes out of the body... hmmm..' Harry thought long and hard on this predicament. So long and hard that in fact, his face actually started to stick together like it was with his face all scrunched up and all.

After that 'excitement,' Harry continued on his way to the bathroom where a well deserved shower would be awaiting him. If asked where the bathroom in the Potter household was, the directions given were very elaborate. You would be toled to first go up the 300 stairs, the make a left down the hallway, and it would be the 497th door on the right. Sometimes being a child 'prodigy' (if that's what you want to call it) wasn't all that great. Being that means, an overly enormous house (for just one person. You never know what use it could be if two or more people lived in it) tons of bustling servants running around doing things for you, (always getting in the way) it's just too much for people to handle. Now back to the task at hand.

Harry opened the door to his pretty bathroom and stepped inside. The walls were decorated with shiny pearl tiles the covered everywhere from the ceiling, to the floor, and even to the sinks and shower. 'Hmmm shower. Oh yeah, that's what I came in hear for!' Harry slapped himself in the head. "A shower!" 'Wow... I sure do love talking myself' thought Harry. So Being the smart genius that he is, Harry hopped straight into the shower. Not even bothering to take off his nice black suit thing first. He's just that smart.

Harry turned on the water and faced the wall opposite from the shower. A full ear to ear grin plastered on his face. Eyes squinted and all. Just then an extremely high pitched, raspy voice came into earshot saying "Ohhhh Harry!! You've been such a bad boy!" Then there was silence. This random voice startled Harry very much so. Harry looked all around him, turning his head round' like an owls' just to do so. Then this retched noise of a voice came back. "IMMA KIL YOOUUU!!" Then just from that, a very frightened Harry started shiver and shake violently. Going to the point of even crying. That was how scared he was. Then all of a sudden, out of the holes where water comes out of the shower head, on the shower head, out came a creepy man guy. Said man came out only to his waist so the other half was still yet to be discovered. This man was a slimy white bleach white like few year old, notebook paper white, person who's made of rubber like Luffy from the worldly known anime One Piece. So he has bones but some how can bend like if he was god with strange, long black hair like Orochimaru from the anime Naruto, and giant olive/gold/green/ eyes with black slitted pupils. (A/N: Harry is making these comparisons because it's easier for me to explain this way... And I guess Harry likes to watch anime.) Said creepy man also had a horrid looking skin condition. Much like that Samara girl from the Ring!

The man, He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named, hissed a terrifying hiss at the quivering Potter boy. From total and udder shock, Harry started (yes in the shower still) started to run around and around like a merry go round, arms flailing above hims as done. From all this watter and running, uh-oh, Harry fell on the ground! Harry stared up, helplessly to He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named. Then 'Mr. Snake, slimy, man, came completely out of the shower head and, yes I dare say it... INTO THE SHOWER!! He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named, who was currently wearing no clothing of the sort, gobbled up Harry, who was fully dressed and soaking wet in his nice black suit, like he was a giant thanksgiving turkey on Christmas.

This monster of a 'man' opened is mouth wide! Wider than any villain who doesn't deserve to have his name ever said, could. As you could maybe, probably not guess, his black teeth glistened in the light, and Harry's reflection could be seen in the obsidian fangs. Just when you Harry got a good enough glance at the horror in his shower, that said horror eat Harry alive! Now the way this mans' digestive system worked, was almost exactly like a snakes. Harry sitting, legs stretched out in from of his, hands reaching towards feet, and head facing down, slid down like on a slide to the He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named's stomach. Almost like a slide. Except covered in gooey slime.

When harry reached the stomach, everything stilled to halt. So now Harry was in a bit of a pickle. He was just sitting their waiting for something epic to happen. Minutes he waited. Minutes turned into seconds, and seconds turned into milliseconds. Then that's when the eerie, screechy, horror movie music started playing out of no where. Harry sat there for another 15 minutes. The music was no longer playing. In fact, it stopped about 2 seconds and a half after it started. SWWOOOOSSHH! The sounds of rushing water could be heard a mile away. Then the sound of the waves slowed to a crawl. Then, there was silence... Less than a minute later, the most surprising thing in the world happened. A rat The skeleton of a rat floated by. But it didn't stop like Harry did. No. It kept going. To where it kept flowing onto, I cannot say. For I don't really know.

Little did Harry know, that that rat corpse that passed by, entered the stomach of He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named, at 6 PM. Over the coarse of the next few weeks, the same (or so could be assumed) floated by in the exact same spot each time, at least 50 some, times. Harry eyed it each time, watching it flow down. Something was off about it though. Every time it passed by, another part was missing. Again and again. Time after time. For what might have been years, Harry watched that rat corpse go passed him. Harry, being the genius he was, started to get to thinking that, isomething/i was wrong but, he couldn't quite put his finger on it as it what it was...

Over time, Harry's looks changed with age. He started to grow a beard and mustache. And let me tell you, that does not compliment his features nicely. Not one little bit. He also started to smell of fish oils, and rotten eggs. (A/N: I was gonna say cactus paste, but I don't believe there is such a thing. So I put the next best, worst smelling thing!) Remember, Harry never got passed the water part of his shower. Presumably two days later... The stupid rat caucus passed by again. Harry started getting agitated. Watching this rat pass by time and again, was like watching a Starting Over House marathon. And that just did not 'roll' with Harry.

Harry closed his eyes. Then opened them again. He started to see these red spots. The a voice in his head. b'Hello Harry Potter. Tissss a pleasure to meet you! Would you mind if I toled you, you were a wizard?!/b "B-b-but, I'm just Harry. Just Harry" b'Well, Just Harry. What would you say if I toled you that I was an evil super-not-so-great super villain. And since my henchman didn't kill you, you passed the test! A-hyuk!'/b The midget, pixie-sized, creature thing that appeared started to laugh like a maniac. Well, you always here people saying, monkey see monkey so. Harry started doing just what mini-clad man was doing...Making a fool of himself. But eyes are everywhere... Harry stopped when a dead silence hit the room. Something surprising happened out of the blue that not even a traveling gypsy's crystal ball could have foreseen! A hologram of Harry's parents kissing appeared on the screen! "AAAARRRGGGGHHHUULLLAARRGHHHHBAWBBWWWBAWWW" Screamed Harry as he gouged his eyes out with some rat bones that were conveniently placed around him at the moment. Harry dug the bones under his eyelids and flipped his eye balls out one after the other (only two. Don't worry, he's not mutant.) Sadly due to blood loss, Harry soon passed away.

Even though he was 'gone,' his body remained. The dead rat skeleton, who partook in the killing of Harry Potter, along with his good friend, the murky, poisoners stomach acid they lived in, who we recently found out was named, Cho Chang, provided a proper disposal of the body. They let it burn and rot in the put of He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named's stomach but, not without saying prayers for the mystical kid. He meant a lot to Rat Bones, and Cho Chang. But in a few weeks time, the two forgot all about 'What's his face.' He was deemed crazy after all and wasn't worthy of remembrance. Soon, around springtime, Cho and Rat eloped, and had lovely Slime/Rat babies named Hagrid and Dumbledore. They, with the exception of, Harry was it? Lived happily ever after.

The End.

This story was inspired by many thing. Things that are deemed unworthy of your attentive reading.


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